Spring has SPRUNG, and it's time for you sex life to as well! This month, we are covering one-night-stands, discovering your kinky side, and some Thruster faq!
Any advice for someone who wants to explore their kinky side and become a switch?
First of all, congrats on getting ready to explore! Being a switch comes with its own set of uniqueness and excitement - it takes a special person to flow from dominant to submissive, and understand the nuances of them both.
Now, being a switch means different things to different people. When exploring, I would recommend getting clear with your personal dynamic. For example, try journaling about what aspects of dominance & submission are for you - this gives clear insight to what you want to explore with others. You can also use this as a compass to lead future partners to your needs without confusion.
Platforms like Feeld, Fetlife, and SDC.com also give us the opportunity to list these needs and seek likeminded folks to play with. Give it a shot!
What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy?
Communication, communication, and more communication. BDSM relationships are truly some of the most authentic and raw - we are meeting ourselves and each other in open, vulnerable states that foster ultimate pleasure and growth. In these spaces, we must also leave room for communicating our ever fluctuating needs, boundaries, emotions, and physical body.
Keeping it healthy requires that all the above be kept in mind, to which I recommend doing emotional check ins often. How are you feeling? How was that last scene/play session? What are you needing at this moment? Where could you use more/less support? These are all incredible questions to keep constant.
How do you safely store and clean thrusters?
Lucky for us, Velvet Co.’s sister company Gleam Body Co. has an incredible anti-bacterial toy cleaner, Glisten. I rinse my toy after using it, then spray the toy with Glisten - wait about 10 minutes, and rinse it off again + dry. Good to go!
I like to store all silicone toys in a silk or linen bag to protect them from dust, moisture, and the outside world. Your toys will live forever this way.
What’s a common misconception about “kinky” people you’d like to clear up?
I LOVE this question - it’s one I clear up daily. I would love to clear the misconception that kinky people are DIFFERENT from other people, like a cult or subculture. Kinky people are EVERYWHERE, including your family, parents, and friends. Just because we don’t all walk around in leather doesn’t mean we aren’t kinky, and it’s a part many of us keep private.
Kinky people surround you at all times, and it’s a totally normal and valid part of life that doesn’t exile you into some strange counterculture.
Do you have any natural tips to try and increase your libido?
When people come to me with libido issues, I almost always resort to the basics - are you giving your body the ideal space to sexually thrive?
Dips in libido can most commonly be attributed to…
- Stress
- Diet
- Lack of sleep
- Lack of exercise
- Communication with self/partner.
Before trying some random remedy from the internet, consider the above. If you aren’t resting, you’re stressed out, your diet has been sub-par, movement has taken a back seat, you aren’t telling your partner what you need/want + not making time for self care…Your libido tanks. Making tweaks to the above will put your body into a more energized, healthy space where libido can have the chance to flourish.
Think…
- Setting aside 10-30 minutes a day to meditate and move your body to lower stress
- Non-negotiable 8 hours of sleep or setting some nap times
- Seeing where you can start implementing a balanced diet
- Check in with your partner to see your needs. Asking for what we want + experimenting can get us excited for sex again.
These shifts are bound to show some healthy improvements in libido.
One night stand morning afters are always awkward for me. Ways to make it better?
We have alllll been there! I love drawing healthy boundaries on this. I’m with ya, I don’t like the morning after with one night stands.
To make this better, I am always clear with my one night stand that once we are done I would like to spend the night alone so they don’t stay. Think:
“I am so excited to spend time with you. Just letting you know, I have a no sleep over rule since I have things to do tomorrrow/ I like my alone time when I’m ready to sleep. Does that work for you?”
This will save you so much awkwardness and hassle.
Make sure you head to our Instagram on the 1st of each month to “Ask Julieta” all your sex questions, thoughts, and feelings. Our resident sexpert Julieta Chiara is here to answer them all! Turn on your post notifications via @velvetthruster on Instagram so you don't miss out!
